Embroidery of Thoughts

Nothing much

I don't know what to write in this big space. Anyway, I am feeling guilty about mouthing my elder sister yesterday when she called. It's one of those women thingy, I mean you know PMS. Now, I dont feel good about our conversation yesterday and I am gonna call her and apologize.

The weather has been a little cooler today since it rained this morning and it seems it's going to rain again. But definitely cooler. I like it better when it cools off rather than a scourching hot hot day that you would sweat profusely even if you just walk a few feet. It isn't summer yet but it feels like a sauna out there.

Not much going on really. It's memorial Day and the streets are deserted and seems people are just hanging at home. having cook out or probably gone to the beach but then the rain seems to be interferring with the happy families beach plans.

We didn't do much today, we just went and got a bunch of groceries.And that's about it.

posted by Unknown @ 3:02 PM 0 Comments

Nature's Way

How often do you see lizards mating? It was so funny when I openned our door and there they were by the wall. I immediately called out to J to get the camera. He came out and saw what I wanted to use the camera for and he said " You naughty girl". I mean I didn't know that that's how they do it. Of course I have seen ducks and dogs do it by I have never seen lizards. It was interesting how they do it. They were like sleep on top of each other. The male, I think it was the male tha was on top. But i could be wrong and then he was biting the neck of the female. And they were just there, almost dozing in that position. Funny, really.

posted by Unknown @ 3:38 PM 0 Comments

"No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again and all shadows are chased away"
~ David Matthew Click~

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The entire weekend had been spent with friends. Suggested I sleep at their place for the night which I did. I packed my stuff and thought we go up to the mountains but they changed their mind, so we stayed home the next day and cooked all the Filipino foods we could think of. Maybe not all but we were able to prepare a feastful of foods on the table. As it is always expected that there's food whenever Pinays get together, it's part of the fun. I may not remember all the foods we made, there was pancit, pinakbet, ginataan sort of small fish. A Visayan dish which I am not that familiar with. But it was good. There was even lechon. Some of the Filipinas brought some more foods too.A big apple cake too was served. A huge bowl of fruits, sinigang na baboy, we even grilled some chicken. There was also cassava cake.

Everyone except me hailed from the Southern part of the Philippines like the Visayas and Mindanao. I do understand a few words of their language.

After cooking we sat and ate buffet style. With the big feast going on, eating chatting, some started singing karaoke. I sang a little bit, but didn't know most of the songs and so I would stop at the middle of the song or just sing the chorus. I really forgot a lot of the songs. But we had fun. I also met some other Filipinas I haven't met before. Most especially A, who is the webmaster of Ehpinoy. It's quite different to meet people whom I have known online. In a way we do know each other in a certain level, but meeting in person is different. It is almost like watching a hologram come to life. I mean, meeting A was something special since we had been corresponding and had been friends for years but we never really saw each other physically. I mean, when you are talking to someone online, you do seem to form an image of that person on the mental level. But when you finally meet them it's different.

A, was telling me about her trips to the Philippines. And she said that whenever she goes back home it feels like a it is a continuation of a former life which is true. I felt that way when I went back home from HK and saw that the kids I left before were all grown up upon my return, I suddenly felt old. I mean you can see the changes right there before your eyes and you suddenly realize you have been away for long and there's a lot of catching up to do. It felt like there was a big gap from the former life you had and the time you go back. It's of course expected that a lot would changes over a certain period of time. But the changes are just unbelievable. I also saw some of my neighbors whom I had gone to highschool with are now teaching in the same highschool we went to, and already have families and kids. Makes me really wonder where time has gone. Sometimes it amazes me. Sometimes I wonder what would have been my life had I stayed in my town. I often wonder where would I be now, what would I be doing? But of course all I can do is to wonder since I have started a life in another place and another time.

posted by Unknown @ 4:58 PM 0 Comments

"Beauty is whatever gives joy".~ St. Edna Vincent Millay~

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I have start to enjoy this. Every morning I would hop out of bed just to rush out side and check on my plants. It's almost an everyday joy to look at every inch they grow, every bud that comes out gives a certain excitement. The blooms the fruits are the greatest joy. It's almost like tending to a baby. Every growth would excites me.I was just disappointed when I saw some bugs eating the leaves slowly and it's killing some of my plants. I had to spray them with insecticide and fungicides to keep my babies healthy. That's probably a start on learning how to care and tend to a baby, similar but different in the sense that to care for a real baby would be harder yet full of joy. It's also about interest and hobby. If you are not into it, you won't have the same joy as you would, it would become a mere chore.

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We had a little excursion, totally unplanned. We decided to check out the Whistle Stop Cafe where the famous Fried Green Tomatoes movie took place. It is located just off the railroad track, very small town of Juliet, here in Georgia but it must be a great stop for people during those times when the means of transportation was through the train. It is just about half hour from our place. J happened to read about the place in a magazine, so when we didn't have much to do we decided to check out the place. the food was limited since it was lunch time. But we had fried green tomatoes. They have a great, cool refreshing tea. And we satisfied our hunger with baked lemon chicken, potatoes and fried okra.There was a big autographed poster of the film by Idgie and Ruth. After lunch we saw several people from other states like from Florida and Tennessee checking out the place. The town is a very small town with antique shops and gift shops and shops selling memorabilia from the movie. I really had a feel of the very Southern atmosphere with the music, food and people.

I have to watch the film again and probably had to read the book if I can find one.

posted by Unknown @ 3:36 PM

All in a day's work

It is not very common and not everyday that I have a face to face conversation with the kids whom I work with. The last time was a rare opportunity for me to express my curiosity with one of the girls. She is a twelve year old girl. I don't know anything about them really because confidentiality is a big thing. I just know that I am dealing with at risk kids with different backgrounds and reasons why they are at the children's home are sealed and is not a public knowledge. But of course they are there for a lot of reasons like neglect, physical and sexual abuse, being an orphan or the parents are irresponsible, the parents are living with abusive spouses and so on. Although I already knew all these, it was still shocking for me to hear it straight from the kid's mouth. We were out at lunch when I started to ask her a lot about her family. I didn't expect her to be so open, but I could have gained her trust because she opened up to me and told me that she was raped by her father. I could hardly swallow my food. She has a condition of being overly nervous. She experiences panic attacks. And the last time she told me she pricked her wrist with thumb tacks. It was a little bit hard for me to comprehend, but when she told me what she went through, I somehow understand how she had been acting lately. She actually didn't go to school because she was too distraught and had to wait for a doctor's appointment. She also told me that her dad is already in prison and that she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Apparently, her mom is also into drugs and so that's why she had been taken away from her. When she talks she seems very mature, but sometimes she just acts like a little kid. As I observe her, I think she just needed the attention. She often complains that she feels like there's something wrong with her. When she says that she maybe actually experiencing some kind of depression. I have heard her say that a few times and I think it confuses her that there seems to be nothing wrong yet she doesn't feel well. Must be a side effect of her experience. She even remember the exact date, I mean I bet that's a nightmare for her that never goes away. While listening to her narrate to me her background, I was speechless. It took me a while to regain my composure and tried to comfort her, tried to speak positive things that's going on with her life. She seems receptive and she tried to enumerate things she's suppose to be grateful for. But as the day goes on, I notice that she still carries a heavy load at her back. I mean how do you deal about something horrific that happens to you and it is your own very own father and mother that caused it. Aside from her own personal baggage, some of her friends don't agree with whom she should date. She tried to disclose her predicament to me. I told her that I didn't know what to say. I was not ready for that question. But I asked the same question to her " What do you want to do"? I know she's confused, but even myself is confused on what to say. Sometimes, silence is the best way to deal with it. Just let them know that you are there for them. Simply listen and when advise does not come so quick, just by having someone to talk to is helpful to them. Most of the kids don't see how lucky they are, simply because they are just too young. Some are from families that didn't even want them.

I talked to one of the boys too. He seems very rebellious. The first time I was there, he just utter every words he wants to. Most boys doesn't want doing chores. They are not as neat as the girls, well, even some of the girls are really messy and nasty. But when you go to the boys cottages, you can smell sweat, and the pungent odor of shoes and socks. I admit, I didn't like so much working with the boys. They are rude, well even the girls are. But I feel more comfortable working with the girls.

I was able to talk to one of the boys. It also happened because he was the only one who was on a spring break. We talked during our lunch time again. It's the only opportunity to talk to someone with his personal life. It's not really a good idea to talk about it, or ask about it within the ear shot of other kids because they can be the cause of picking and fight as they say anything to anybody when they get mad. So, hewn I talked to this boy I found out that he didn't know his parents at all. That one of his relatives have brought him to Georgia. And somewhere along the line, he was placed on a foster home until he made his way to the children's' home. It is sad and difficult to know about these children's life stories. That makes them also hard to handle sometimes because they do anything to get attention. The most disgusting thing I have witnessed so far were two girls about 12-14 years old came over to the senior boys cottages and threw their underwear to the boys. We laughed with the boys but it was disturbing to me. And a lot more things happen, from vandalism to run aways. I'm just glad that we don't have to handle these things by ourselves. Sometimes cops are called when things go way out of hand and when they run away. But there's an on call person that would be called when things like these happen. Working with them have been okay so far. I haven't been in a very extreme situation, but a lot of interesting things happen from time to time.

posted by Unknown @ 8:55 AM 0 Comments

"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders" ~Lao Tzu~

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okay, from this day forward I will be known as Margaret Reynolds. And that J would be known as Richard Morris. You want to find out your American name?

What's in a name anyway? Someone told me that my name sounded very catholic which is true. It is also a Spanish name at least my first names.

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What's your normal day? Sleep, wake up, work, eat, and sleep again? Well, some days can still be very normal even if there are a lot of things going on. At least if nothing excites you and worst
things would stress you out. I mean somedays are just too exhausting for me even if I didn't do anything physically strenuous. Some days it just feels like you barely moved but you are just oozing with energy and at the end of the day you just want to keep doing something. Today was one of those dog tiring days that all I wanted was to come home and rest. I went with J to one of his remotes. When I say remotes, he would go physically to a certain location to promote a company or a product for the radio station. He would go out there to generate traffic, announce on the radio about the activity and people would stop by especially if there are concert tickets, or any kinds of tickets as give aways from sponsors. Anyway, I went out with him, it was at a strip mall and there were four other station present. It was fun being there, there were not a lot of people really, but I enjoyed being out there and see what they do. I enjoyed most the eating part because Honey Baked Ham was right there and they kept bringing out food. From barbecue ribs to turkey and ham sandwich. The traffic wasn't that impressive considering that there were five radio stations present. I was exhausted at the end of the remote but I had to wait until J finished what he was doing at the station while I went window shopping at the flea market. I wasn't feeling well, so I called him in just about 30 minutes to come and get me. We stopped by at Media Play and J got himself a video game which pissed him off because it didn't work on the computer. But as soon as we got home, it was miraculous that I felt so much better. I took a couple of pain reliever pills and I was perked up. I went out to clean our front garden which had accumulated a lot of leaves and pine cones and twigs from the trees. By the time I was done, J was done grilling our dinner. We had a hearty dinner and went for a short walk and back and just relaxed the rest of the evening.

posted by Unknown @ 6:39 PM 0 Comments