Irony of it all
Have you ever read a blog that seems to exactly tells the story of your emotions and thoughts and your life? It's quite chilling and causes tears to swell within and at the heart of your soul, you wonder if you were living a parallel life with someone in a parallel universe? Do you wonder if they are staring at the same star you're staring at, wherever part of the universe they might be at that moment.
Don't you have those moments when the paradox of life hits you hard? Don't you have those moments when you scream " This can't be happenning to me!" It happens to me, and when it does, I would literally feel the earth spinning at a speed, I try hard to grip on to something.
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So, what do you do to steam off? What do you do to uload your daily baggage? I think that each and everyone of us has this accumulation of bad stuff within us and we need to unhload thyem sometimes otherwise we would explode. We do need to pour out our hearts sometimes. I try to do some kind of cleansing everytime I get the chance. Sometimes, all we need is a quiet time just for ourselves. Get away from the crowed and think. Sometimes, we need to get out, have some fresh air. Nature sometimes has therapuetic effect to the tired soul.
I would run, jog for miles until I don't feel anything. Till I don't feel a thing. Run to beat the wind, run till my feet don't touch the ground. Run till I'm one with the ground, almost floating.
How can one escape his/her own mind? It's a torture sometimes battling with what the heart feels and what the brain is screaming. It's a struggle.(sigh) I can't sigh enough.
Dilemna
I decided to birighten up a little bit and think of the many blessings I got for the past year. I haven't been emotionally well the past weeks for some unmentionable reasons. I could mention them, it's just that it's very personal and I would definitely feel vulnerable which I am right now. I can assure you, I will be alright. I am a very strong person, and I am gonna go through this and overcome it and grow a stronger heart afterwards. I guess I just needed someone to talk to, to pour out my heart. You know, not everything is for public consumption, especially for a very private person like me.
Well, I would like to pour out my greatfulness to all that sent me greetings and greeting cards, I know it's a bit late but, I guess it's never too late to give thanks.
Gifts poured during the holidays, thanks a bunch to all those who thoughtfully included me/us in their list. Thanks everyone.(Big hugs)
Ok, one of my favorites of all the gifts that I gotis a laptop that my luvofmine gave me. Thanks sweetie! You are really really sweet. Well, he said that he would get me one if I lost about ten pounds. I started being a (fatloser) at the beginning of December and I have lost five pounds so far. But when christmas came, he shocked me when I openned my gifts.That was really a big surprise. I guess I was just too tired that I didn't have enough excitement for my new toy. But now, I am loving it. He even got a wirless router. It is really cool.
Another toy that he gave me is an MP3 player. I didn't even know what it was when I got it, now I'm loving it because I can jog with it, weightless plus I can use it to store a lot of my stuff. Luv it! Thanks a bunch!
New Year Challenge!
The holidays have come and passed by. The new year is here and I am still the old me. I hadn't time really to think of my new year's resolution. For some reason there's this melancholia seeping through me right at this very moment.But I know moments like this will soon vanish. Now, there's the spirit. Even if all I want to do is to lay my head on the table and let my tears just drip on the wooden desk. I also want to shout, because I am sick of it, just so full of it and I want to explode. Gosh! somtimes life can be so chaotic. Gosh, I want to hit my head hard on the wall and see what happens, it might clear my mind that has been in limbo for days now.It can be so difficult or am I just making it hard on myself. Ok I am being torn apart. I guess it's getting heavy on me. Sometimes I would say to myself "what's your problem woman?" When I don't even know what's wrong. I try to clear my mind and it gets foggier. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!help! At other times I would scream to myself "suck it up"! and appear to be the perfectly normal happy person. But when nobody's looking, there I go with my demented thoughts.But who doesn't have their moments? Aha, I guess I am normal after all. I think my only problem is that I let people get into my skin.Ok, I think I did a lot of damage, I mean drama. Do you somtimes feel like a loser, some days? That's just how I feel today for some reason only God knows.
Isn't that great? My new year started with a lot of challenges. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. But hopefully it will push me to do things that I have postponed for a long time. I guess it's high time to boldy go and pursue and somehow there's got to be a driving force behind.
