Thursday

To Smile or Not to Smile.

"When it's meant to happen, it'll happen. For now concentrate on your interests and being the interesting amazing delicious widdle piece of awesomeness that you are. Confident, interesting people that are happy being themselves are attractive"

Absolutely! don't allow your self to be miserable. You can wallow in the mud for a while and get it out of your system and get it over with, easier said than done. But since I am the most positive person that I am, I will do it and move on. There are more interesting and wonderful things to look forward to. Sure it will hurt for a while but got to focus. Focus, that's the word for the day. Concentrate on the greater things you will and can do, it's a matter of choice. Think of long term or futuristic goals. What do you really rather have or accomplish? Think of better things that you could be doing instead of torturing yourself into that insanity that is in your head. It is just your imagination. It's not real. I don't know why you allowed it to go for a long time. To allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own thoughts, a prisoner of your own.

" Break those chains that bind you "

That should be your mantra. To free yourself of the spell, the ultimate goal.

You know you will not savor anything wonderful if you allow yourself to be feeling terrible all the time. Yesterday, the lunch with friends cheered me up. I was able to laugh as loud as I can. One of my friends asked her son " Michael, what color do you see when the car stops at the stop light?" Her son replied " Many colors!" We all burst laughing. I found that funny. Just being with friends makes us forget about our worries even if it's just for a moment. A moment of feeling wonderful about ourselves. You can see that you are not alone. That other people could be suffering from worst situations. That your situation could be just minute compared to the emotional baggage that they maybe carrying. And still they are the ones that laughs the loudest.

I asked one of the ladies, her name is L. You look so skinny, how do you keep your weight even after having a baby. She replied " Well, I got lots of things that I worry about. My family. You know sometimes, even if we seem to have everything, there's still something missing". That got my attention. That although I wasn't saying anything, I totally agree with what she said. You can have everything,but there's still something missing. I don't know what I am going through right now, but that seems to be true in my case. There's this big hole in my heart right now. I was listening to a song yesterday and the line goes like this " Stuff that emptiness with something, anything." Right now, nothing seems to matter for me. What I am stuffing myself right now is coffee. Addicted to coffee. And I am glad that's my addiction so far. It's minimal right? Okey, there's also one thing that I do that I think is actually healthy. I go running. I run and run for as long as I can run. Sweat it out. It always makes me feel better. They are not bad, right? Well, I want to just keep these two vices. Keeps me going for years now. How do you think I survived all these? Well, we all have our own ways of surviving this so called LIFE. We all know that some days can be bad, some days can be tolerable. Some days just pass by unnoticed. Some days gets rainy and pouring and gloomy. Some days it can get stormy, where there are lightnings and thunder and hail. Some days are relaxed and breezy. But there are always days that the sun shines very brightly and so there's always a reason to smile.

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