To Smile or Not to Smile.

"When it's meant to happen, it'll happen. For now concentrate on your interests and being the interesting amazing delicious widdle piece of awesomeness that you are. Confident, interesting people that are happy being themselves are attractive"

Absolutely! don't allow your self to be miserable. You can wallow in the mud for a while and get it out of your system and get it over with, easier said than done. But since I am the most positive person that I am, I will do it and move on. There are more interesting and wonderful things to look forward to. Sure it will hurt for a while but got to focus. Focus, that's the word for the day. Concentrate on the greater things you will and can do, it's a matter of choice. Think of long term or futuristic goals. What do you really rather have or accomplish? Think of better things that you could be doing instead of torturing yourself into that insanity that is in your head. It is just your imagination. It's not real. I don't know why you allowed it to go for a long time. To allow yourself to be a prisoner of your own thoughts, a prisoner of your own.

" Break those chains that bind you "

That should be your mantra. To free yourself of the spell, the ultimate goal.

You know you will not savor anything wonderful if you allow yourself to be feeling terrible all the time. Yesterday, the lunch with friends cheered me up. I was able to laugh as loud as I can. One of my friends asked her son " Michael, what color do you see when the car stops at the stop light?" Her son replied " Many colors!" We all burst laughing. I found that funny. Just being with friends makes us forget about our worries even if it's just for a moment. A moment of feeling wonderful about ourselves. You can see that you are not alone. That other people could be suffering from worst situations. That your situation could be just minute compared to the emotional baggage that they maybe carrying. And still they are the ones that laughs the loudest.

I asked one of the ladies, her name is L. You look so skinny, how do you keep your weight even after having a baby. She replied " Well, I got lots of things that I worry about. My family. You know sometimes, even if we seem to have everything, there's still something missing". That got my attention. That although I wasn't saying anything, I totally agree with what she said. You can have everything,but there's still something missing. I don't know what I am going through right now, but that seems to be true in my case. There's this big hole in my heart right now. I was listening to a song yesterday and the line goes like this " Stuff that emptiness with something, anything." Right now, nothing seems to matter for me. What I am stuffing myself right now is coffee. Addicted to coffee. And I am glad that's my addiction so far. It's minimal right? Okey, there's also one thing that I do that I think is actually healthy. I go running. I run and run for as long as I can run. Sweat it out. It always makes me feel better. They are not bad, right? Well, I want to just keep these two vices. Keeps me going for years now. How do you think I survived all these? Well, we all have our own ways of surviving this so called LIFE. We all know that some days can be bad, some days can be tolerable. Some days just pass by unnoticed. Some days gets rainy and pouring and gloomy. Some days it can get stormy, where there are lightnings and thunder and hail. Some days are relaxed and breezy. But there are always days that the sun shines very brightly and so there's always a reason to smile.


Love is all we need

The journey up ahead is really coming and I have mixed feelings about it. The tag-of-war of excitement and sadness and all other emotions are freaking me out right now. I think that I would be bereft without you. Just just how I feel at the moment of course but I am trying to think of all the possibilities and all the things, new things and experiences that I will be having in the future if I am going to take this trip. Great things may happen. i might meet great people and I might encounter unexpected experiences and all the things unexpected. Whatever they maybe I guess I can take the risk and go ahead and just go. So, what I am probably leaving behind, is just "wishful thinking". But we'll leave it to the laws of the universe and the Gods, I believe that if it's meant to be, it will happen. I have had experiences, painful experiences that happened before in my life but it was meant to happen because there was something else even bigger and greater awaiting for me at the other side of the road. And I believe this is true. We may not understand things that are happening to us for the moment but it will soon unfold before us when we get there. Then we would say "ah!, so this is why things didn't work out." If we believe that there's something else awaiting us, be hopeful and keep a pure heart. It would feel rewarding at the end. So, I consider what I am going through right now, a challenge and is happening for a reason and I intend to find out what lies ahead for me. To move on and be positive and have fun in spite of all these and maybe at the end of the tunnel lies the answers. Only the optimistic people survive this so called life. It's not easy, we get bruises and get bumped and ran over. All we have to do is keep getting up and keep on keeping on. Right now I am stuck at the moment. My wheels are not turning as they are supposed to be, the wheels in my brain just keeps turning with torturing thoughts going over and over and over same thoughts without a resolution. It's sickening already. It's killing me and I don't know how to handle it. The butterflies in my stomach just really feels like butterflies. And then I haven't even taken actions on packing things and I have a lot of packing and organizing and lots of things I have to do but I am not doing anything. I am dragging myself to do it today and the coming days.
I watched 13 going 30 last night and I totally agree with Jenna Rink(Jennifer Garner) "Love is a battlefield". She said we have to fight for what we want. Heartache to heartache, we stand together. Love, life is such. Talking about heartache. I am having one right now at the very moment. Can't stand it anymore. Maybe because I don't really talk about it. Maybe if I pour my heart out then I will free myself of the spell, what ever it is.

"Love is a battlefield. Heartache to heartache, we all stand together. Love is a battlefield.

Like the song by the Beatles, all we need is love, love is all we need. If you truly look at life, for me it is very true. It's love we all need. If we have love, there's nothing else to look for. What are you looking for in life, anyway? There are times that I am crushed by this question because I cannot seem to really come up with it. I mean we go through life, we search for that which we cannot find. Whatever that is. Don't you have those days that life seems so incomplete? Or is it just me. You know, you're waiting, hoping anticipating for something. I am at a loss sometimes. Sometimes I think I am just insane. And truly believe that I am insane. But you know, sometimes life is like that.