"Please grant me a second lifetime"

I guess I have lost my muse in the vast space in between, lots and lots of things have happenned. I guess I just want to digest all the commotion in my very own privacy. Well, sometimes, not everything is for public consumption and I am a very private by nature. I wish I could share all what's boiling within, what my brains spinning. I guess I am quite shy in pouring my heart out sometimes. Actually, I am very shy, I fear disclosure. I guess, a lot of us are. I think that it's human nature to fear exposure, not a lot of people are able to bare their souls especially with strangers, with people they don't even know. To those who are able to, I admire them. It's just that I guess I am among the shy ones. And I think it's okey too. We all have our very own sanctuaries where we keep our deepest secrets, and I would like to be able to do that sometimes, away from anybody. Just to be myself, not be judged by anyone, just be myself. I think all of us want to be able to do that.

So, I was talking to L, and we got talking about her past marriage. She's just 22 and already divorced. She got married when she was 19. I am not sure how long she has been married before they got divorced. But within that short span of her marriage and divorce, a lot of things changed. "People change", she said. "You don't know a person, until you really get to know them" she went on. And she is absolutely right. But also, one reason why their marriage didn'tlast was that they got married very young to my opinion. You know how when you are young and inocent, you have a certain idea of how things are. But when you actually experience it first hand, you would find that it's harder than how you thought it would be as a younger person. And as we grow older, our wants, likes and ideals changes overtime and so we do change as we grow older. The things that we dream of as a young teenager changes as we grow older towards adulthood. I am not saying that all people that marry young cannot be successful. There are of course some lucky people who are able to grow with the relationships they have. But from my observations, a lot of young people who get marry young wouldn't stay married for a long time. So, I was saying to her that somehow I think she is lucky. Because now, she has grown wiser, even wiser than me because she has been through that road and that she would know better. That somehow, even if it is hard, she has got through it. Of course when one goes through a rough time like that, they would have to undergo stages of recovery. She has to heal and nurse her wounds. Sure, it will take time. But you'll get there. After an experience like that, it makes people somehow tougher. She said that after her divorce she thought she wouldn't date anymore. She closed herself, but as time passed by, she eventually openned up her heart and started dating again. And now she's dating this nice guy. I have met him once because he came over to bring her flowers, and the ocassion......Just Because! I find that so sweet. She was blushing and blooming and glowing as she told me how they met and how surprised she was when he showed up with flowers just out of the blue.

Now, atleast somebody's having a very colorful life story.

And I think everyone deserves "SECOND CHANCES". And I mean lots of "chances". Sometimes,we got to give ourselves second chances. After all, life is about starting over and over, and over again until we get there, wherever that place or state of perfection we want to reach.

And so life goes on.


Ah! Life That is.

I looked outside the window and I feel stillness rushing through me,
except for the chirping birds and the humming of the kitchen fan.

The caladiums are still thriving, the basil plants are getting old,
the okra plants have gotten taller than me and have yielded a few fruits.

How time have passed by so quickly. It's fall again and I should rejoice
but why am I so blue?

I feel stillness outside,silence and I see beauty but within is such an unexplainable chaos. A tug-of-war between two equal forces. And it sickens me. It's tying my guts into pretzels.

Now, I need to gather up my strength and refocus my energy to something else,
to the future.

All of a sudden a cardinal hopped infront a few inches within my sight. Such a beauty and it's saying life is still beautiful!