Wrinkles on my forehead

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
-- Jack Benny--


I don't know about you, but when I was younger (this statement makes me feel old), I used to plot my time line. You know how they always ask the question, where do you see yourself years from now? I tried to look forward into the future with my own magic ball. And I thought,at 30 I have to accomplish this and that. Now that I am about to turn 30, it's depressing me to know that I have accomplished very little of my plans years ago. My dreams remained in my dreams. Still, I hang on to hope. You know, I try not to be bitter but still looking towards the future, thinking there's got to be some bright light there somehow.

I remember when hubby turned 30, during his birthday he was very depressed. Got the birthday blues. I was telling him, so what if you are 30. I thought I wouldn't feel that way when it got to be my turn, but I was wrong. I wouldn't say that I am totally freaked out, but more of worried. Whenever I think about it, it makes me feel bad. But you cannot stop the clock. We are always running against time, but I know we'll never beat time. We burn in time, we burn in it. Yes I do believe that we grow better with time, how much better? I don't exactly know. But I can say that I feel much sturdier than ten years ago. With all of life's beatings, I know that I have become a much stronger person. We all fall to life's tests sometimes, we got to ppick up ourselves and move on, keep going in the rat race of life. One time hubby and I were talking about the rat race. Does anybody ever got to reach the finish line.Hubby says, I guess a few, those who are able to stock up enough fund and be able to retire early. But I don't think we'll ever retire from life itself. I mean, it's an endless, self-defeating pursuit.It goes on until death of course. And if there'san after life then it still goes on beyond the grave. Gosh! I wonder what I would become in the after life? You know, somehow, a second lifetime seems appealing.I get to do things all over again and perhaps do it better this time. Well, it aint so bad, there's still time.

I would usually tell hubby to turn the volume down whenever he plays his audio player very loud at night. And he would say, " If you can't listen to loud music anymore then you're too old." I don't think so. The only reason I don't want him to party very loud is that I don't want the neighbor to get mad like they are very considerate.

I used to call hubby "hunky monkey'", I don't even know where I got it or how it started later I was calling him "old man" and then lately I kept calling him "moldy man". Isn't that terrible? He would just say "I'm not that moldy". I got to think of a better pet name. Of course nobody wants to be called "old and moldy".

One night we were hanging out in our backyard grilling hubby asked when is our last hint of youth gonna be? Hayy, youthfulness fades, atleast in the physical worlds. Some says it's a state of mind but it's a state of the physical too.

Do you think that somehow the aging process can be decelerated? There are lots of studies of course and ways of doing that but I wonder how many of them are effective.I know botox and surgeries maybe a solution for some, but will it last long? I don't wear wrinkle creams, just not yet. But you know I want to be youthful in small ways. And by that I try to indulge myself with exercise like running. And coupled with that I try to fortify my body with fruits by making smoothy. It's easy, just combine fruits, yogurt, milk, honey and ice in a blender. Viola! I don't add sugar, fruits have natural sugars. Another way is avoiding frozen tv dinners. Maybe it's just me, but I believe they got a lot of preservatives. I would rely better with fresh vegetables. I do have to get frozen meats sometimes. And of course avoiding deep fried fast foods. I have always been health concious, especially when I see extremely obese people. I don't like to look like them years down the road. But nowadays, it's getting harder and harder to know which one is healthy even with fruits and vegetables with the bioengineering and all that. With seafood,one worries about mercury. I guess one just have to get updated and informed about what's healthy and what's not.

I don'tknow, there's just this fear of old age. The deterioration, being senile, and eventually death I guess. Not to mention, long agonizing death maybe. I guess that's the natural course of life and that's a process we all have to undergo whether you want your remains to be frozen, burned, burried, you still have to undergo the process of dying first unless they happen to figure out how to be immortal in the future. Still, would you like to live forever?


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