Monday


Enthusiasm...the sustaining power of all great action
~Samuel Smiles~ Scottish author, 1812-1904

I had some big doses of rejection that has been compounded for a while now. I don't know for how long, but maybe for a long time now. I just refused to acknowledge them. First, there's the long absence of any communication from my very close friend which went on for months now. I finally mailed a letter which I had tried to compose a few months ago but didn't mail it. For some reason I just felt rejected by friends whom I have known for a long time.I feel like I have long been forgotten. It's probably partly my fault since I don't frequent my interaction with them especially when there's nothing really exciting to talk about. If not it feels like we are not thinking in the same wave length. So, now I'm wondering if I'm the one who changed or were they that changed. We probably both changed. It's just that I couldn't tell the changes. Or is it that that they moved on and decided not to include me in their move? Is it that they have met new and more exciting friends? Boring that I am, can't blame them. I just feel that big empty space without them. Maybe I just needed more social life. Honestly, I'm not so much a social animal. I have the capability, but I suck in socializing. I'm not so good at meeting people, I run out of things to say unless I get into the most enthusiastic mood. I tend to test how comfortable I get with a person.I'm not the type who would blabber a whole lot at a first meeting. I tend to be the observer, the listener and feel my way into a conversation. Sometimes, I end up as one of the onlookers if there's nothing, nobody interests me I just walk away unnoticed. But you know what, I envy the conversationalist. I still have a lot to work on, in this aspect.

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