Sunday

The Humdrum Life

It's just one of those days. The other day was warm, comfortable, the sun shining brightly. The birds are singing. And looking around doesn't even give a hint of the winter season. Days like these makes one feel like spending time outdoors, to just lavish oneself, bathe oneself with warm sunshine, catch every glimps of it before the southern sky swallows the radiant warmth and keeps it somewhere beyond the horizons when darkness comes.

The next day, the wind has gone wild, blowing anything and everything in it's path. The temperature has gone down, not that cold but the wind made it terribly cold. As I walked outside,the wind blowing my hair slapping my face, windchills sipping through the layer of clothes, making it's way through the tiny pores of my clothing. I just walked and took the beating, the wind flapping my jacket, trying to tear it into pieces. As I hurry, the wind tried to corner me, blowing harder as ever blinding me. I just had to pick up my feet and run.

Inside I looked out, the wind was still blowing, making a howling sound. Blowing the heads of the trees off, hard and wild. I just looked and stared, the blandness is there. Boredom maybe, like a worm eating me from the inside, shaking me. It was a crazy feeling. I almost feel the emotion of the wind, if it indeed has emotions. I wanted to smash things, just go wild and free my emotions, free myself for whatever that is inside gnawing me. It's uneasiness, I tried to walk it off, walked around the living room. Looked out through the glass door. Tried to sit on the couch and pushed a button on the remote control. It didn't help. I felt like shouting at the top of my lungs. If it wasn't that chilly I would have run and run, to get rid of the monster winthin me.

With such emotions within me, I was such in a foul mood. I wasn't myself. I was ill, temper wise.
I was unwell, that pretty much describes it. In this state, I would growl at everybody who irritates me, I was vulnerable. I would get irritated with even with little things. Dishes laying around especially in the living room. I get insane. I couldn't even put up with it myself.

But I do calm down after sometime. I would be myself again.

The next day I got saner, calmer, no growing horns nor the Hulk within that turns me green. Now that I think about it, it felt just like that, if I visualize myself into this "Hulk" state, suddenly growing greener by the minute and small clothes ripping off and this big green monster immerges. Except for me it doesn't come out so I had to try to do some stuff to get rid of the green monster. Sometimes strenuous exercises calms me down. No, it's not anger, it's probably a combination of boredom, hormones...whatever it is. It's just uneasiness that happens to me for some reason ocassionally. I have to find something to occupy myself or tire myself. It's like there's so much energy built up within me, that I have to use the energy otherwise I feel like exploding and (run amok as I describe it to hubby, he would then say that I shouldn't run amok unless he is around to restrain me, and of course we burst out laughing) Whatever it is, that's how describe it. It doesn't happen everyday, just on rare times. I usually able to deal with it.

The days went by so fast, the weather man says that the weather is going to be warmer today, so I decided I would go out. Enjoy the warm weather. Either walk or jog by the park or go to the mall and walk, shop around, look for good buys. You know when the weather is not too friendly for outdoor activities, I would go to the mall and walk there. I mean, it's double purpose, I can shop around, even if it's just window shopping and at the same time exercise. I have read it somewhere that in winter time it's really very hard to loose extra pounds, it's a struggle because the body is less active and the serotonin level is low when we are less active, it also affects our mood and thus, we resort to eating. The more active we get, it boost our serotonin level which makes us feel good. Atleast that's how they say it. And I have noticed that in winter I tend to eat more, it's also because the body needs more fuel to keep our body warm, but exercise could help with that. When I exercise I tend to feel warmer than usual, even if it's cold. And now as I think about it, I thought of how they fatten pigs by putting them in small pig pens, the less they move the fatter they get. And it's same thing with people, the less we move the more fat mass are accumulated in the body. So, by being more active, we burn the extra carbohydrates and energy that we take in which when not used converted into fat. Just how I look at it. Of course, the kind food intake and amount, metabolism, heredity even medications and illnesses can play a role in the process.

I have made it a point to conciously motivate myself no matter what the weather is, there's always a way for me to be active. Walk indoors, do stretches inside the house. So, it becomes a habit, when I sit on the couch for a long time, I try to get up and do some stretches while watching tv, which is great, I guess I do that so I won't get guilty. Sometimes I even feel guilty that I haven't done any stretching or exercise for a few days. I would say that if one develops a habit, it won't be as hard anymore. One has to enjoy doing it, if not it won't stick.

Some days are better, you know those days when you wake up and it feels light within, like the nights' sleep have taken away all the weariness and you are walking as light as a feather. I love those days. Especially when I wake up on the sunny side of the bed. It feels so great that I feela smile bursting when I'm out there. If I could whistle I could just be whistling my way out and about. These days I feel like shouting "It's so great to be alive!" It's so great to be existing when you are feeling like this, compared to other days. The weather and season affect people's moods. I try to make it a point to keep everything bright. Open the blinds in the morning. The outside air can make me feel better sometimes, compared to the stale air inside. I mean, outside can be as polluted, but living in America and in this season, inside the house got to be enclosed and sealed. During warmer days I try to open the windows to let in fresh air. Atleast our backyard just goes to the woods, the trees make it less polluted compared to living just very close to the highway where vehicles always pass by. Not only the air is polluted but also there's noise pollution. We haved lived before very close to a busy highway, and I tell you it wasn't fun because we can hear the humming sound of vehicles passing by. The horns, the loud motorcycles and every sound they make. We had to get a fan to keep on as a white noise. Since then we have developed the habit of keeping the fan on at night. We can sleep like a log with the fan on. It just masquerades all other noises, except for noises that are really loud. Of course really loud thunders can still be heard. That's probably when I went back home to the Philippines I woke up at every noise, the barking of the dog, the crying of our neighbors' puppy, the yelling of drunk people passing by, the shouting of people passing by, or people arguing in the streets. I could hear it all. But it didn't bother me at that time, I had to get up early anyway, since people start their day early. But on my last day I was really sleep deprived. But I guess I didn't mind, I was on vacation high.

But nice weathers make me go out and about. Well, there are those days that I get out of the wrong side of the bed and I get so grumpy for no apparent reason and makes me feel like growling at everbody. Those days, ha, keep out.I would say everyone has their own moods on certain days. Even men does, but I find it more tolerable to hang out with guys than women who are having a bad day. There are even people who turns into a bear when woken up in the morning. I'm glad I'm not like that although there are times I hate to be woken up, especially when I am trying to get some sleep. But I'm fine being woken up in the morning. Especially when I got to do something important on that day.

Of course we can't help the passing of time and days. It goes on and on, somedays we realize we are getting older. Sometimes it goes so fast and memories of yesterdays would be piled up with dusts. Before very long we have reach milestones. But that's the way it is, and always will be. We change, we get old. Places and people we know changes. It just goes on, and so is time. Warm weathers, rain pours, howling winds, chirping birds, seasons passing by. We would always be trapped in the magic of time, we would always be floating in the sands of time.

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